The Complete Biography of Lamos Ignoramous

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Counter-clockwise from top right: Lamos at his official inauguration into the Homo Sapiens species; Lamos’ certificate from the Homo Sapiens species; Lamos at an event nobody was present at; Lamos at an event nobody was watching (unknown photographer). (All photographs courtesy of Lamos’ personal photographer unless otherwise stated.)

This is the Complete Biography of Lamos Ignoramous. Its completeness (the biography’s) is so utmost and award-winning that it contains it also contains repetitions, as well as a complete list of the events from his (Lamos’) life that never happened, did not happen, happened less than once (1-nce; not to be confused with “ounce”), did not happen in his (Lamos’) life, happened in someone else’s life (not Lamos’), or happened when nobody was present to know they did.

Lamos, whose first name contains the brilliantly stellar 5 (five) letters (a, b, c, etc.), has a last name of the spectacularly splendid 10 (ten) outstandingly exceptional letters (a, b, c, etc.), three (3) of which are Os—one (1) capital and two (2) lowercase, three (3) lowercase, or, in the rare case of all-caps, the astronomical three (3) capital letters! Lamos is a proud, matchless, and pre-eminent recipient of the Two-(2)-Os-In-Last-Name Annual Award, as well as a number (#) of biannual, quarterly, and other-time-frames awards of more questionable validity.

Most of all, Lamos has been a proud, sterlingly wondrous, certified über-member of the Homo Sapiens species for the enviously commendable amount (#) of a few (some) consecutive years!